Apparently two months of rest did not solve my compartment syndrome. My calves have been getting really tight at practice, but it wasn't anything that bad until Saturday. Jen and I went to train for our upcoming fitness test at the USJ track. We were planning on doing one lap under a minute fifty, doing two laps, three laps, building up to six laps - our mile and a half requirement.
I ran one lap.
It's so frustrating. I had to deal with it all last semester, and it was annoying enough then. Now, after doing nothing for two months in an attempt to allow my calves to repair themselves, the pain is back. Why? I know that we are given junk like this in our lives in order to test us and make us stronger. I know. Right now, however, it doesn't seem to help.
I took it slow coming back into running and weightlifting, but evidently that didn't stop the inevitable. Somehow I knew this would happen. Somehow I knew I would be looking at surgery, regardless of resting in the hopes of avoiding a knife. Maybe I didn't put any faith in God healing me in the first place. Maybe I just thought He wouldn't let it be that easy; not that it was at all. I hated not doing anything for two months.
I just want to play. I want to play like I did the first practice after being out for two weeks last semester. I felt like I was flying; nothing could stop me, NOTHING. Evidently, I was wrong. I'm going back to the doctor some time this week; we'll find out then what the verdict is, I guess. Dad kept asking me all these questions like, "If there is a 75-80% chance the surgery will work, would you do it?" Without hesitation I answered, "Yes." "What about 50/50?" I couldn't say on that one, but I would probably still go for it. I do not want to play with this pain for the rest of my life, but if that is what is meant to happen, then so be it. God has a plan in all this; I know it will most likely take me a while to figure out what it is. I have to take this as it comes, and that is something that I have a hard time dealing with.
I don't like to wait for something to happen.
Daron,
ReplyDeleteI wish I could take it away! I can't stand to see you hurting with no way to stop it. I am always praying for you. God will bring you through this. Remember not to blame yourself. I really don't know what to say. But, I love you!
Brittany
Aw, Daron, I'm sorry you're having to go through this, sweetie. But you know and I know that you have every day of your life already written for you in God's book (Psalm 139:16), and there are too many promises from His Word for you to lose hope in times of trial. You are called out. You are set apart. This trial as well as this life is only temporal. You have a much higher purpose. I know you want to play soccer, and God has truly gifted you with athleticism. But seize this opportunity to let Him hold you and guide you in your frustration and time of unknowing. I will be praying for you. I love you, and I'm proud of you! 2 Cor. 13:14
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