Thursday, March 30, 2006


Tomorrow morning at 6:30 I will be at Jackson General Hospital for my fasciotomy. I believe I will actually go into surgery some time after eight. It may be quite a while after eight. I don't know how long it will take, but I'm guessing it won't take that long. There's no telling how long it will take to be released from the hospital; there will be a checklist of things that I will have to be able to perform before leaving. One of those things will be learning how to use my crutches that I will have for about two weeks, until I see Dr. Antwine again. I'll have to completely stay off my feet until Sunday, and I'll go back to school when I feel like I can walk a good distance on my crutches. I'll go back to Dr. Antwine for a checkup two weeks after surgery.

I know I've said it a hundred times, but I am not worried. I know God is with me, and I know that a lot of people are praying for me. Before I left my dorm tonight (I'm at home at the moment) two of my roommates prayed with me; I, of course, ended up crying. I think they did, too. It's just amazing to me how much God has blessed me. It's ridiculous! When did I ever do anything to deserve anything? That's the most amazing thing: I did not. God is just cool like that. My theme song for this time of surgery (ha) is Coldplay's "Fix You." While I was running my mile and a half a couple of weeks ago, that song came on. The song before or after that was "Everything Will Be Alright" by The Killers (I know, the band name is strange). I love how God does that; that wasn't the first (or last, I'm sure) time God has spoken to me through music.

I will definitely be blogging after the surgery, hopefully tomorrow if I'm not totally drugged up. I'll leave you with the chorus of "Fix You":

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Friday, March 24, 2006


I think I already have a post titled as "Snowboarding," but I don't really care. This is a different time, different experience.

As far as my knowledge of snowboarding goes, I think I'm doing pretty well. I actually went off jumps yesterday and today. Today Lauren and I went to a double green trail, which is advanced beginner. The first time I went, I had trouble at the beginning; the snow was more like ice, and I could not carve very easily at all. I fell twice at that point. When I got going, I didn't do too badly. That was until my right calf started hurting because I was pushing so hard on my toe edge. I fell once when it started to really kill me. I was still hurting, but I made it the rest of the way down. I stuck with the "bunny slope" for a while after that. Lauren told me about another double green that wasn't as bad as the first we went down. I decided I would try that.

It wasn't as bad, but I think I got kind of lazy or something. I took two REALLY hard falls. My beanie fell off both times. The first one was face first and knocked the breath out of me. The second put me straight on my back. Now my lower back on the left side is absolutely killing me. Ugh.

So, after that, I was really tired. I decided to quit for the day - for the trip, actually. I had a lot of fun, and I think I got better. I'm really proud of teaching Kellen; he got pretty good near the end.

I'm ready to get home. This has definitely been a good spring break; I'm really glad I got to spend it with the family. Back to school in a couple of days!

P.S. One week until surgery!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Spring Break

So, I'm here in Colorado!! We just got here today; we'll be leaving Saturday. The weather is pretty good right now. It's not snowing, although the high is 32 degrees. Tomorrow we're going to go out snowboarding and skiing. That's going to be awesome. I'll do better at snowboarding this time, since I have more experience and know what I'm doing. For now we have to go rent the stuff for tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday. Spring Break is gonna be awesome!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Mile and a Half

This morning at seven, we had the mile and a half part of our fitness test. I was actually banking on running one lap, then walking the rest of the time. I walked up to Coach before the run, and he asked why I wasn't warming up. I had stretched some but didn't jog a little bit or anything. I told him I figured I would run one maybe two laps then walk. He said, "Don't you want to give your best effort?" I have to admit that that kind of ticked me off; I felt like that would be my best effort.

So, I ran. I ran all six laps. It was at a very slow pace, mind you, but I did it. I was definitely hurting by the end of it, but it actually wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be. I think my time was somewhere around sixteen minutes. I was breathing so hard and crying a little, so I never heard whether or not he even gave me the time. That doesn't matter; I finished it.

Now the sprints Thursday may be a completely different matter...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

It's Set

March 31: I am having a fasciotomy (I think I spelled that right) in order to fix my compartment syndrome. I'm not nervous about the surgery; I'm actually glad to finally have a real solution to the problem. My choices were either get the surgery or quit playing soccer. The latter is basically out of the question. I'll be out of commission for three to six weeks, with the possibility of more than six. It just depends on how quickly I recover.

So, that's about it. Of course, I will have to post after the surgery. I've never had surgery done before; I had stitches one time, but that doesn't really count. A new experience! Haha. I really feel good about everything, so nobody needs to worry (hint hint). I am only concerned about the possibility of having to do the fitness test next week...

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Persistent Junk

Apparently two months of rest did not solve my compartment syndrome. My calves have been getting really tight at practice, but it wasn't anything that bad until Saturday. Jen and I went to train for our upcoming fitness test at the USJ track. We were planning on doing one lap under a minute fifty, doing two laps, three laps, building up to six laps - our mile and a half requirement.

I ran one lap.

It's so frustrating. I had to deal with it all last semester, and it was annoying enough then. Now, after doing nothing for two months in an attempt to allow my calves to repair themselves, the pain is back. Why? I know that we are given junk like this in our lives in order to test us and make us stronger. I know. Right now, however, it doesn't seem to help.

I took it slow coming back into running and weightlifting, but evidently that didn't stop the inevitable. Somehow I knew this would happen. Somehow I knew I would be looking at surgery, regardless of resting in the hopes of avoiding a knife. Maybe I didn't put any faith in God healing me in the first place. Maybe I just thought He wouldn't let it be that easy; not that it was at all. I hated not doing anything for two months.

I just want to play. I want to play like I did the first practice after being out for two weeks last semester. I felt like I was flying; nothing could stop me, NOTHING. Evidently, I was wrong. I'm going back to the doctor some time this week; we'll find out then what the verdict is, I guess. Dad kept asking me all these questions like, "If there is a 75-80% chance the surgery will work, would you do it?" Without hesitation I answered, "Yes." "What about 50/50?" I couldn't say on that one, but I would probably still go for it. I do not want to play with this pain for the rest of my life, but if that is what is meant to happen, then so be it. God has a plan in all this; I know it will most likely take me a while to figure out what it is. I have to take this as it comes, and that is something that I have a hard time dealing with.

I don't like to wait for something to happen.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Ah, The Weather

How beautiful has the weather been the last two days? It has been absolutely gorgeous! I was driving to Huntingdon yesterday with my sunroof back, and I really couldn't help but praise God for such a wonderful day.

I feel like my life has almost done a 180 since last week. It started Thursday night after an amazing conversation with two of my roommates (how I love those girls!). I've been dealing with quite a bit of stress lately, and just to tell two people that I'm with every day helped so much. A couple of other people know what's going on, and they are true blessings. It just makes a difference for someone directly in the situation to know what's happening with me. Since then it's like my burden has been lightened considerably. I think I actually gave part of my problems to God; that is a huge accomplishment for me. I love how God puts these people in our lives, and we can't help but be amazed when we realize how much of a blessing they truly are. I love the realization.

As I mentioned before, I drove to Huntingdon yesterday. As usual, my music was blasting, and I was singing my head off. I was listening to a CD of songs that I bought from Walmart downloads, and one of the songs is "How Great Is Our God." That song is beautiful. The beauty of the day and the song just struck my heart to the core, and I started to cry tears of absolute joy! I can't tell you how long it's been since that happened. I was in this total place of worship, and it was the best feeling in the world, no doubt.

God does that. Life can get you so down to where you're struggling to breathe. Then, God gives you help in a way you never thought possible or never saw coming, and it just hits you so hard. There's nothing you can do but glorify His name with all of your heart. Why is it so hard to do that? We get so caught up in the misery of life and hardships that we forget....forget that we are saved, we have eternal life, God loves us, He won't let us down, we WILL get through this! We lose sight of everything that really matters. We find it so easy to do that; we forget what it feels like to REMEMBER.

I got a new cell phone, because my old one broke. When I was messing with it, I decided to put my banner as "Remember." At the moment I did it, I didn't really know why I put that. Now it totally makes sense. I need to "Remember" that Someone died for me, and that I owe Him everything. Remembering that....well, it's life.