Almost Done

I am beyond ready to be done with my classes this semester. Engineering is just not for me. I realized today that I do not care enough about school to spend all my time doing homework and studying. Well, that's not really a huge revelation; you could have known that from watching me NOT doing those very things. The relationships I build here are more important, honestly. Call me lazy - I know I am. If I need to work hard for something I care about, I'll do it. But that's it: I need motivation. I am horrible at self-discipline. But anyway, I am looking forward to doing psychology, because it's something I can use in the area I care most about (people) and it won't take over my life completely.

Two and a half more weeks doesn't seem short enough.

Excerpt from "Searching For God Knows What" by Donald Miller

"I know there are people who have actually gone from misery to happiness, but they didn't do it by walking through three steps; they did it because they have a certain set of parents and heard a certain song and knew somebody who had a certain experience and saw some movie, read some book, had something happen to them like a car wreck or a trip to Seattle. Then they called on God, and a week later read something in a magazine or met a girl in Wichita, and when all this had happened they had an epiphany, and somebody may have helped them fulfill what this epiphany made them feel, and several years later they rationalized this mystic experience with three steps, then they told the three steps to us in a book. I'm not saying they weren't trying to be helpful; I bring this us only because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a few steps is rather silly.

The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love."

Forever Friends

This weekend I went to a lodge in Natchez Trace State Park for one of my great uncle's birthday get-together. A lot of my dad's side of the family was there, including, as is required of such events, a lot of people I do not know. It was fun, though, because there were also people there I knew but hadn't seen in a quite a long time.

It was for Uncle Kelly's 80th birthday, which is just crazy. You know? That seems like such a long time; it's FOUR times as long as I've lived, but I already feel old. Haha. At some point Friday night, some of his friends showed up. I think they were actually more of Aunt Olivia's friends, who is Kelly's wife. They met Aunt Olivia in college, and they had been friends since.

It was surreal. We've always heard that the friends you make in college could be friends for life. Sure, we've always believed it, but it's so weird to actually see it. These women have been friends for almost sixty years! Isn't that insane? I still can't fully wrap my head around it. I think it's absolutely amazing. There's no telling what they've been through together. And...it gives me hope.

It can be done. People can be friends forever. We always say that when we're in primary, and middle school, and high school - but by the time we get to college, we find it a little harder to believe. Because it's then that we realize things change, people change. I actually have friends from high school that I believe will be a part of my life for a long time to come. I pray that they are. But it's still hard. At college I've had two really close friends, and I thought each time that we would be "best friends" all through college. And each time it turned out badly. It's okay now, but it's nothing like I thought it would be.

It's also sad, though. Because I want to keep everyone. I would love to stay in touch with all of the soccer girls after I leave Union, but I can't imagine that happening. Not staying in constant touch, anyway. I believe there will be several that I will, but trying to keep up with all of them...phew! Ha. That would be a job in and of itself. I love all of them, but I'm being realistic. As much as I can be. But you know, maybe I will somehow by the grace of God keep close to the bulk of them.

My freshman year I wrote a paper on friendships in college. I interviewed Lauren (my sister) in order to get her perspective, since she was already out of college and a couple of years into pharmacy school. She talked about how in college you meet people who have the same heart as you, who have that same desire to follow God. That connection will bring you closer than any other. That is a connection that does not easily break. I have found those people, and I have been truly blessed by each of them. I cannot imagine my life without them and believe myself to be stronger having known them.

Those are the ones I want to keep. Those are the ones that have a place in my heart, no matter how far apart we get or how many years go by. They are the ones I would not have survived without, the ones who held me up when I couldn't hold up myself. The ones who were sent by God. I can't thank Him enough for them, but I try. And I can't tell them how much they mean to me, but I try. Because I know how much it means to be told you matter, to be told that you are someone special, that you made a difference in someone's life. To know that you are noticed, and someone is glad you are here.