Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Just Some Research

So here I am, doing research for my Theories of Counseling research paper, and I find a gem from Albert Ellis.  Ellis is the creator of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), my current top theory of choice.  His big thing is "musturbation" - and no, you did not read that wrong.  It is mUsturbation.  That is changing everything from "I should, I can, I will try, etc" (rational beliefs) into " I must" (irrational beliefs).  These irrational beliefs are what we all have to some extent, and the underlying cause of dysfunction.

Anyway!  Long story short, I am using this theory in my paper, and of course found some stuff written by Ellis - Mr. REBT himself.  I'm just reading along about musturbation, scrunching my brows, when all of a sudden I run across this:

Take it out of your head and heart, where it tends to wreak havoc, and stick it up your rear end, where it more properly belongs. Did I say, “Stick your musturbation up your ass?” Yes, I clearly did.

AWESOME!!  I had to laugh out loud at that.  Now, at the time that he wrote the article I got that quote from, the guy was 84.  84!  That is impressive.  And totally gives him the right to put "stick it up your ass" in an article.

Now I'm just liking his theory even more...

Sunday, November 14, 2010

What I'm Learning from Counseling

And by counseling, I mean being in grad school to become a counselor.  Actually, I am technically being counseled as well, since we counsel each other in order to practice and work on our counseling skills. 

The end of my first semester of grad school is almost here - almost exactly a month away at this point.  Kinda crazy.  I am really enjoying it so far; it's difficult, as grad school should be, but I love the stuff I'm learning.  To me, one of the best things about what we learn is that it can be used beyond just our careers.  The basic foundation of counseling is listening - a very important and useful everyday skill that everyone should possess but way too often gets overlooked.  Another big skill you need to have as a counselor is unconditional acceptance of your client.  This is not just "being okay" with who they are but also showing them that you fully accept them.  Both of these pieces of counseling have been researched and shown to be very effective in creating the intimate and trusting relationship needed for therapy.

So why do they get skipped in everyday life?  Everyone wants to be accepted and understood, yet it is so easy to only expect it for ourselves and not give it to others.  We can be so selfish in this.  All it takes is focusing on another person and truly hearing what they have to say and accepting it.  Each person has their own perception of reality that is constructed by the environment they grew up in and the people around them, but we like to act like people are either for us or against us - there's no gray parts.  There is no room for different beliefs, different ideas of what it means to be "right" or "good."  You don't know where someone else is coming from until you actually listen and then accept how they see things.  It doesn't mean to conform to everyone around you - it means to be empathic.  Empathy is diving into someone else's world, trying to see things from their side but not getting so caught up in it that you lose yourself. 

It's so hard not to judge people and think they're just ridiculous for doing what they did (whatever that may be), but it would be so much better if we tried to take a step back and listen to where they are.  It can be so simple.  But when have we learned this?  From whom would we have learned that there are other points of view, that everyone is not going to be like you, and that you should take the time to find out about that and appreciate the fact that life is made infinitely more interesting and vibrant by the differences in people? 

I get frustrated by the lack of listening and acceptance in the world (particularly in politics, but I won't even go there).  However, I am glad that I get the chance to be at least one person in someone's life that takes the time to listen to his or her story and accept the way he or she sees things.  Because we all need that.  And we all deserve it.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

It's Been a While...

I keep debating whether or not I should even try to keep up with this blog.  Especially within the last year or so, I've been very neglectful and will go months without writing a thing.  I feel a little bad about it, but most of the time it completely slips my mind until I remember it.  Then I can't think of anything to write or don't feel like I have enough time to devote because (obviously) I tend to ramble for quite some time with no clear purpose. 

ANYWAY, a lot of things have changed in my life recently.  I got married just over two months ago, I started graduate school a little after that, and I'm in a new town.  Well, city, I guess.  The combination of new things is going well so far.  Graduate school is very interesting (for the most part) but takes up quite a bit of time.  I knew it would be different from undergrad, and those differences are pretty much what I expected: more work, but more intriguing.  With undergrad you have all those core classes that you care nothing about; with grad school it's all related to information you want to know.  I do have one class I find extremely boring, but it's mainly because I already learned it in undergrad (hats off to Blalack) and the professor tends to digress and ramble.  It's probably what I would do as a professor, which is not a good thing.  Practicing counseling can be so nerve wracking.  You're trying to truly listen to your client while thinking, "Should I ask about that?  What does that mean?  What do I say when he or she stops talking?  What's going on here??"  If only we could just go with empathic listening and help people with that.  Actually, we found out that only 15% of the success of therapy is determined by what the counselor actually does as far as therapy.  The rest is the therapeutic relationship, having someone listen, that kind of stuff.  That takes the pressure off a little bit, because it means (to me) that I only have 15% in which to do damage.  ;)

Being married is fun.  It's difficult, but it's fun.  I say it's difficult because it's entirely different than before I was married.  You have another person to consider when you're planning your life.  Real life gets in the way of spending time together, and spending time together can get in the way of real life (which obviously causes problems for me being in grad school).  The fun part comes when you come home to someone, you always have someone to do things with, all that good stuff.  Plus, planning your life together is fun - it's just a little more complicated than it would be with just yourself to worry about. 

Wow.  I didn't even get that far and I'm running out of juice.  Maybe it won't be that long before I post again - but you never know.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Why I'm an Oxymoron

When I first started this blog, it was my freshman year of college at Union.  I don't recall exactly what led me to start a blog; I believe my sister had one at the time and I thought, you know, I wouldn't mind letting people know some of my thoughts and what's going on in my life.  I've had a prayer journal for over ten years now, and I have also occasionally kept other journals with random entries and never regularly.  It's great to look back at my journals and see where I was at that time and what I was focused on or worried about.  It's also amusing, apparently, because when my fiance read some of old journal entries (I mean like 15 years ago old) he found it very amusing when I wrote about some guy stalking me that I did NOT like.  Yes, I was eight.  Yes, I remember that - that kid was creepy. 

Anyway, I've found a blog to be a conundrum.  Often I have gone months without writing a thing, because I cannot think of what to write.  Well, I can think of things to write about, but I find that I am afraid to post some things.  Like, poetry that is depressing (which is honestly about the only kind I write) or my opinions on certain political issues.  Why am I afraid, you may ask?

Because I don't want to disappoint you.

I'm big on disappointment.  I hate being disappointed, although I believe I am doing better at that.  I loathe the idea of being a disappointment, of being less than you think I am.  I keep things to myself because it's easier than having you misunderstand or judge me for it.  I was raised to worry about what people think, and as much as I try to deny that I do - I do.  Big time.  The standards I set up for myself often have more to do with others than me or God, and those standards are high.  Which means I often fall short of them.  Which means I am often disappointed with myself.  I am my toughest critic, by far. 

As for the reason I am an oxymoron...

I revel in not being what people expect.  I love shaking up expectations, throwing people off, showing a side they didn't think existed.  Maybe it's a joy in showing people that they don't know me as well as they thought they did.  I want to blow up stereotypes and throw down conventionality.  I want to be different, noteworthy, someone that sticks in your mind. 

Maybe everyone feels that way to some extent.  I don't believe myself to be alone in this clash of how to live my life.  These two ideas are not completely at odds, however.  I want to be different, yes, but who I am with different people changes - and that's where expectations come in.  Give me my conservative friends, and the conservative me appears, holding back certain thoughts that might offend or turn away.  Put me with my more liberal friends and I'll talk about anything - almost.  I have some friends that are quieter than others, with whom I become more outspoken; when spending time with those more boisterous, I recede somewhat and fade more into the background than the forefront. 

It makes me think of DID - dissociative identity disorder, or more commonly known as multiple personalities.  Fascinating stuff; read Sybil or watch "United States of Tara" if you ever get the chance.  The thing about the different personalities that someone with DID exhibits is that each personality is essentially a facet of that person's full personality.  The main focus of DID treatment is integration - integrating each separate personality into the full and true personality, which eventually becomes the whole person.  We each have varying facets of our personality that reveal themselves depending on the situation in which we find ourselves.  This is completely natural and I believe is actually a survival technique. 

I remember when I was getting ready to come to college, and I was so excited about the opportunity to meet an entirely new group of people that had no idea who I was, where I came from, or what kind of person I was.  I realized that as a result of this anonymity, I could be whoever I chose to be - more importantly, I could be the person I always was, the person that most people in my life didn't know because it might be disappointing.  Using that opportunity as best as I could, I made some incredible friends in college with whom I could be more myself than ever.  I found a (future) husband that is fully aware of who I am, probably more than anyone else in my life.  No, definitely more than anyone else.  And that is something worth fighting for.

So I want to be open about things, but I know that dropping all the walls more often than not leaves you more damaged than before.  I don't want to disappoint you, whoever you may be, but I want to be more than you expect.  There's so much I wish to say, but the need to meet your expectations overrides my desire to exceed them. 

Is it better not knowing?  I feel that if you know I hold things back from you that you will wonder what exactly those things are.  Maybe you'll just imagine the worst and throw it around in your mind until it becomes fact.  Trust me in this: I believe that I am protecting you.  I know how it is to be disappointed in someone, and how much pain that can cause. 

I don't mean to sound despairing, because I am not.  This is something I've thought over for years, the fight between being seen and being safe.  To end this lightly, I must say that I am so very thankful for Ryan, the man I waited for all my life, the man with whom I can be me

I'm so glad he is fine with my burping.  ;)

Friday, June 18, 2010

And for the Recap

Alright, the US pulled it together.  Major props.  Donovan brought them back with their first goal, then Bradley sunk in the equalizer.  Both fantastically placed goals.  The defense seemed to pick it up and Howard kept being awesome.

Now I have a problem with the ref.  He called fouls left and right, first mainly against the US (18 in all) then finally realized that Slovenia was pulling a few fouls (16 to be exact) themselves.  Then...THEN.  Then Edu came through on a free kick and sunk it in the goal...and he blows the whistle.  No problem...  Wait.  Against the US?  For what?!  The goal is disallowed, and they of course replay it over and over again because the commentators can't figure out what the heck happened.  Let's see...  You've got TWO US guys being full-on HUGGED by Slovenia defenders, Edu and everyone else ONSIDE, and NO FOULS FROM THE US SIDE.

As you might imagine, I was furious.  Where did that call come from?  There was no justification for it whatsoever, and you, Mr. Dumba** Ref, just cost US a goal, a win, and possibly a ticket to the next round.  


You're an idiot.

Now, as you can tell, I get fired up about stuff like this.  Namely, sports.  Namely soccer.  My fiance mocks me for it and doesn't understand when I start yelling at the screen that yes, I do realize they cannot hear me, and no, it doesn't matter that they can't.  I am passionate about my sport, and I am not ashamed of it.  Just wait till he sees me next year with the Women's World Cup...  We'll be married before then, so he'll just have to deal with it.  ;)

Regardless of whether the US continues or not, I'll keep watching.  I just love to see beautiful soccer played, no matter who's on the field.  I doubt Italy will repeat, but it's a distinct possibility.  Spain also has a good shot, as well as Brazil, as always.  I'd love for a smaller team to come through and win, and there's always a good chance of that.  After the US goes, I'm not sure who I'll go for.  I could go for Spain, I think.  They looked great in their opening game.  England might have a decent shot, but I can't take them seriously for some reason.  Maybe they'll surprise me.  They're definitely not hurting without Beckham.

We'll just see what happens.  And you'll probably read about it here, since I'm sure I can't refrain from it.

A Rant for You

I shall start off by saying that I never had high hopes for the US team in the World Cup.  The US men struggle to compete.  Their highest finish was 80 years ago, in third place.  They reached the quarterfinals in '02.  I believe we have the talent to get further and even win, but it's difficult for them to pull it together.  This year just seems to be a disaster.  The defense keeps falling apart and letting only halfway decent goals through.  Right now it's halftime at the Slovenia game, and they're down 2-0.  It's all because of defensive breakdowns, and it appears that Onyewu is the main culprit.  Talk, people!  Tim Howard, I feel sorry for you.  You're hurting but playing anyway, and I give you props for that, but you have no support from your back line.

I also have a problem with the team's style.  I've watched several teams play this week, and I was blown away by just how beautifully Spain and Italy play.  Their passing is just gorgeous!  Hardly a stray pass or bad touch - they just link passes together like...I have nothing to compare it to.  Then I watch US.  Ugh.  It's like passing was completely skipped in training.  They pass to other teams' players, empty space (with no one there), the sideline.  They try to push through with brute force, and, honestly, sometimes it works.  They just had ten chances within about four minutes, but none of them found the net.  Slovenia actually has a defensive line that acts like they know what they're doing.

I'm not against teams having different styles, but the US isn't making theirs work for them.  I give them about ten years before they figure it out.  Until then, I'd much prefer watching the US women team.  Which reminds me, NEXT YEAR!!  :D

(and by that I mean that next year is the FIFA Women's World Cup - hecka yeah)

And now back to the game that USA needs to get back to as well...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Doses of Optimism

I don't consider myself to be an optimist.  Sometimes I am, but it seems that I usually take the glass-half-empty view on things.  I found a website yesterday that is amazing.  Each little story makes me smile, and many have almost made me cry.

It is often said that humanity is declining, that true human kindness is a very rare thing.  I would like to disagree.  The world has definitely changed, but so much stays the same.  There will always be people who think only of themselves and what others can do for them, but there will also always be people who spend time with a mother who lost her son on Mother's Day, people who treat the handicapped just like anybody else, people who will take time out of their busy schedule to assist someone injured up a flight of stairs, people who will lay down their lives to help those they love.  Those people do exist, and we are surrounded by them.  We can be those people.

So remember that when you complain about how the world has gone to shit, you can do something about it.  Show kindness, exhibit love, give encouragement.  We don't do those things enough, and I am completely at fault for not doing my part.  This has nothing to do with being righteous or working your way to Heaven - even if you don't believe in God, this applies to you.  This is about the pursuit of happiness.  Not just your own, but others' as well.  Pursue someone else's happiness.  Isn't it worth a little embarrassment to see a smile on a stranger's face?


Friday, June 11, 2010

Utilizing My Options

I'm liking the new design setup, as you may be able to tell from the new look of my blog.  I'm loving the new blue, and I posted a new picture from last January's trip.  I believe this is either Dublin or London.  One or the other. 

Speaking of trips, we just came back from Tacoma and Vancouver.  Vancouver was pretty neat.  We went to Grouse Mountain and did some ziplining.  We missed out on the great views you usually get during that tour because it was so foggy, but it was pretty awesome to see nothing but the line in front of you - making you wonder if you'd be able to see the spring brake you're about to hit.  Thankfully, that always came into view in time.  There was a little bit of hiking thrown in that tour, but we did some serious hiking Saturday on the Rattlesnake Ledge trail.  Gorgeous view once you got to the top; nearly death-to-me hike to get there.  I have been jogging and/or speed walking on and off since soccer has been over, but no sprinting.  As a result, I nearly died.  I was fine for about half of the hike; I was in front and had a pretty quick pace going.  Then...we  took a break.  Which ended up almost breaking me.  I swear I was on a sugar rush before or something, because once we began hiking again, all energy was gone.  I had nothing.  Miracle of miracles, we finally got to the top.  I just laid on the ground and died for a minute.  Then I was fine.  Well, until the next day anyway.  Then I felt it. 

Speaking of dying, I miss soccer.  I've been missing soccer subconsciously for a while...well, ever since I finished up my senior year over a year and half ago.  In the past couple of days, though, it seems to have really hit me.  It could probably be blamed on the World Cup starting up.  I definitely listened to the South Africa-Mexico game online through ESPN.com.  I would have watched it if I thought our internet could handle the constant streaming and if I didn't have actual work to do.  Listening is so...banal.  Fortunately, I did get to see South Africa's goal.  GORGEOUS passing!  Wow.  I was in awe.  And it almost started in their back third - I have to give them major credit.  Perfect passing all around.  For some reason there wasn't video of Mexico's goal.  Anyway, back to me missing soccer...  I would love to play in an adult soccer league when we get to Memphis.  If I have the time, that is.  Jackson has one, I do believe, but I thought my time could be better utilized at this point.  Now I don't have time, for sure.  Work, wedding...nope.  I'm kind of afraid to get back in, though, honestly.  I had so much trouble with injuries all through college, and my knees feel totally jacked.  I don't trust my body to survive.  Haha.  I would LOVE to be in the shape I was when I played, although I'd rather lose weight than gain any.  I'm sure if I don't lift (so many) weights this time around, that'll happen. 

Speaking of losing weight, I am completely jealous of my fiance's ability to lose weight.  Guys do typically lose and gain weight faster than girls, so it's generally unfair.  I do have to be honest and admit that I haven't tried that hard to lose.  I had a plan to start working out a couple of weeks ago, then I wrecked my bike.  I couldn't walk without a limp, so I really didn't want to attempt running.  Monday I got some new shoelaces from Nike (proceeds go to AIDS assistance in Africa) and I plan to put them on my soccer cleats and then put those cleats back to use.  I want to just run around the soccer field at Union, messing around with a ball and maybe doing a few sprints.  I may run the cross-country track as well.

Speaking of running, I have to do that now. 

Friday, May 28, 2010

The incredible bruise! Well, part of it. The other part is on top of my leg.

Living Up to the Name

And by that I mean living up to the name of my blog.  Which, if you don't recall or are too lazy to scroll, is Random Daron.  Of course, I believe that I have always held up to that name, whether it was purposeful or not.  Most of the time my randomness just happens with no conscious effort on my part.  I think that's when the best writing happens, anyway - when it's effortless.  Often when I try to sit down and write a poem about something in particular, it comes out too forced and I hate it.  However, when I just get hit by the inspiration and let it go, it usually works out better. 

This week I have been practicing my cursive.  That means I have a couple of pages full of random sentences and words written in cursive sitting around my office.  When I went to address a few wedding invitation envelopes (for those who were moving soon and I wanted to catch), I discovered that my cursive had become appalling.  I have never been a big fan of my cursive; my print was always much neater.  My main issues lie in connecting the letters within words.  Sometimes my hand seems to take over completely and decide that instead of going from o to o, it should be o to l - or something that just doesn't fit in.  I think I'm already improving, although I still haven't decided exactly how beneficial this will be down the road.  Besides signing things, when do I ever use cursive writing?  And as for signatures, from my experience as a cashier I can tell you that a lot of people just scribble and call it a signature.  Sometimes I would just laugh at the stuff people put.  One guy used up about four inches for his signature - and it was just one big scribble.  No discernible letters at all.  How will this prevent fraud?  Just throw the pen around a piece of paper, and you have a signature!  When I was younger and believed that I had a chance to be a professional singer, I practiced my "official" signature.  I wanted to use my entire name, of course, and I was afraid that I would take too long to sign things.  I didn't want people to get impatient while waiting in line for my signature!  Haha. 

Speaking of signatures, I have been asked for mine twice.  And it was weird.  The last time was when I opened for the guy who won West Tennessee Idol like three years ago at Bethel.  Two little girls asked me - so cute!  I definitely felt so weird though.  I guess you would get used to it after signing a million things like that.  Ultimately, though, I wouldn't like all of the attention that comes with being famous.  Too many people all in your business and freaking out about what you wear, what you say, where you go, who you're with...  Meh! 

In case you haven't heard on FB, I wrecked my bicycle Tuesday night.  I'm healing fairly well I guess, although I called in sick to work yesterday.  I woke up and my entire upper body was insanely sore.  I had worked out Monday, and it was like that compounded with the wreck just hit me all at once.  Not fun.  I'm still sore today, but I do love the fantastic bruise on my leg around my knee.  It's intense.  Getting good bruises is one of the reasons I loved catching in softball.  You get a drop ball bouncing up and hitting the inside of your thigh, and you're bound to have a pretty purple bruise in a day or two.  It's fascinating.  And something to be proud of.  Getting bruises in soccer was also awesome.  Go in hard to tackle, come out with a great bruise.  Injuries aren't exactly fun, but then they kind of are.  I guess it's the true athlete in me that loves having a good injury - a few of which I have at the moment.  Scrapes on my elbow, wrist, face, leg...  Great. 

Another thing about injuries...  I am awful about picking at scabs.  Always have been.  So this is going to be a serious challenge for me.  I obviously don't want scars, and these scrapes need to heal quickly.  I've got a wedding, people!  We were planning on shooting some more engagement pictures this weekend, but after Tuesday's event, that wasn't going to happen.  Although we could shoot everything only from my right side and not show my leg...that could work.  Meh - too much effort.  Remember what I said about effort?? 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I got me some new glasses! Which of course means I had to wear them today.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

One Hundred Days

Today is one hundred days from the wedding!  Woot woot!!  I'm excited.  Of course, I started thinking of all the things I still have to do as far as planning goes...but it will get done!  And anyway, if everything goes wrong in the wedding, as long as we both say our vows and the preacher announces us married, that's fine with me!  I mean, in the long run - I'll have to admit I'll be upset if everything else with the wedding goes wrong.  But later it could make for some really good stories.  I've also heard that you're not officially married until something goes horribly wrong.  Haha.  Funny, but a little nerve-inducing.  I would prefer for nothing to be set on fire and/or have someone have a seizure or something - the fainting thing is no biggie, unless it's me or Ryan. 

Despite being a tomboy, I am in many ways a typical female.  I have always wanted to get married.  However, I never really had a particular vision for my wedding.  I always knew I wanted it to be unique, different, and representative of me and the groom (whoever he would be).  I honestly looked forward more to the actual marriage part, rather than focusing on the wedding.  That is not to say that I haven't gotten caught up in the glamor of it all; I am (perhaps somewhat selfishly but generically) excited about having my own big day.  Even when eloping was brought up (as I firmly believe is done at least once with every engaged couple), the thought of not wearing the wedding dress I'd already picked out made me sad.  When that happened, I thought, "Who is this woman who suddenly wants to wear a big dress and get made up?!"  If you know me at all, you will know that that is against my normal stance on clothing and general presentation. 

Nevertheless, I am so very excited.  I am marrying a man I love and who loves me and is so very good at showing it.  God brought us together, and I know He will keep us that way - even if Ryan leaves his clothes on the floor and I only cook every two weeks and clean every six. 

Friday, April 16, 2010


So, to completely break from my normal posting schedule of...well, whenever I got around to it...I had to post twice on the same day because I just found out some crazy news:

Jennifer Knapp came out.  Of the CLOSET. 

I'm not sure how many of you remember Knapp, but I freaking loved her.  She was/is? a Christian artist who had a folksy feel to her music and a great voice.  She disappeared like forever ago (apparently seven, to be exact) and has now reappeared to knock my socks off - both with her coming out and her new album.  She doesn't want to be labeled as a Christian artist, which is fine with me.  Her music didn't always follow the all praise route of Christian music, which is something I liked about it.  Not that that's bad - I just have my preferences.  I want music about the person actually struggling with things, like real life.

Now, this is much more surprising than the revelation about Ray Boltz's sexuality.  Really?  Look at the 80s hair and clothes he was still rocking and tell me you didn't think about it.  I did. 

Here is the CNN article about Jennifer Knapp:

Don't even think for a second I'm not buying her album.  It doesn't matter to me who she dates - her music is just fantastic. 

Yeah, It's Been Two Months...

This is possibly the longest time I've ever gone without posting since I started this blog.  I could be wrong, though, but I don't care to go back and check that fact at the moment. 

I've actually been missing school.  Weird, huh?  I know it sounds a little crazy, although some working adults may disagree with me on that and feel the same way.  The good news is, I will be returning to school!  I was accepted into the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Masters program at University of Memphis and will be starting said program late August!  :)  Unfortunately, it will start only two weeks after the wedding, so we won't have a lot of downtime before I jump back into the world of academia.  I am excited, though.  Memphis has a great program, and I like to learn about things I care about - like helping people.  In two and a half years, I will be out in the work world again, but this time I'll be doing something I truly care about.  Yes, a job is a job - but it is so much less stressful and more fulfilling when your heart is in it. 

A friend of mine is getting married tomorrow, kicking off the "Year of Weddings."  For me, anyway.  I know a couple people who have already gotten married this year, but this is the first one I am actually attending.  The good thing about having several weddings to go to this year is that I can get a few ideas for my own.  If I copy you, just consider it flattery.  ;)  I read an article yesterday that talked about copying wedding ideas, actually.  It's alright as long as you make it your own, which I completely agree with.  I've always wanted a unique wedding that wasn't quite traditional, and that's what I'm working towards having. 

I have to admit that I have applied my usual procrastination techniques to the wedding planning process.  Although I am getting things done and I know I'll be fine, sometimes I feel a very minor panic attack coming on when I realize what I've done to myself by putting things off.  I'm really not far behind, though.  I never realized how much stuff there was in a wedding.  I knew that it wasn't a cake walk, but sheesh.  I also now understand how people can spend a ludicrous amount of money on a wedding.  Just add chair covers, specialty plates, awesome guest favors, tons of flowers, a full bar, an insane cake, an insane groom's cake, monogrammed everything, a band, a DJ, a dramatic entrance with a Zambini, dancers, a wedding decorator, a wedding planner, gilded everything...

It's ridiculous.  And that's not even half the stuff I've seen, and not including the $20,000 wedding gown - or more.  If you want to go all out, you can go beyond that and make your guests' heads spontaneously combust with the amount of crap you put into your wedding.  I, however, have no such ambitions - so be glad. 

I get the feeling that over the next four months (just four months!) I won't be writing about much of anything besides wedding stuff.  I could promise otherwise, but there's not much else I've been thinking about.  Well, except for the fact that in a month I turn 23, Ryan turns 21, and then he graduates the next week.  It doesn't bother me now, but I think I'm not going to be real happy when I turn 30 two years before he does.  And then 40, then 50...  And that's enough!  I shall resist thinking about it.  Haha. 

We are trying to get into the process of buying a house, which I'm told is not the most fun process ever.  What adult thing is?  Well...  Anyway, it's interesting trying to find a "safe" neighborhood in Memphis.  We looked at one, told that was bad, looked at another, got directed once again...  We were told by a Memphis police officer that Cordova is our best bet, so that's where we're headed.  Now to get preapproved, talk to a realtor, check out houses, make offers...  I'm tired already.  But we will succeed! 

I am so thankful it's Friday.  Monday and Tuesday went by so slowly, they were killing me.  I woke Wednesday, and thought, "Hm...tomorrow is Friday, so casual...  Wait.  It's Wednesday, isn't it??  Crap!"  Disappointment prevailed.  However, Friday did finally arrive, so I can't complain.  I shouldn't ever complain, I know, but what human doesn't complain?

Ever since the Suggestion box on Facebook showed up, I have been lamenting its existence.  There are some people you just do not care to reconnect with, which is why you never looked for them in the first place.  Also, if I have ONE friend in common with this person, WHY do you think that means I automatically know them, Facebook?!  And now it not only suggests new friends, it wants to constantly talk to EVERY ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS.  "Reconnect with Jason!  Send him a message explaining why you haven't visited his profile, wrote on his wall, commented on his posts, or messaged him since last week!"  No, thank you.  I just went into ranting mode for a second.  Sorry.  I just wish they would give you the option to not show that box, but they probably realize that everyone would delete it.  You can click through each thing to clear it, but give FB two days and it's back with completely new random people you don't want to connect with.

Speaking of reconnecting, I did actually reconnect with someone this week, but that stupid suggestion box had nothing to do with it - even though it started on Facebook.  It was a fantastic reconnection, and one that should have happened a LONG time ago.  I'm going to stop calling it a reconnection, because it makes it sound like a liaison instead of ridiculously long FB messages then a three hour phone conversation.  I'm creepy even when I don't mean to be...

I would say that I've made up for two months of not posting, but within the boundaries of the average lengths of my posts it's safe to say that I haven't.  Nevertheless, I will give you a respite and cease typing for now. 

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Wedding Planning Stress

I definitely have it.  I don't do well when I think something is going to be fairly easy and it turns out to be significantly more difficult than I thought.  Maybe we're the ones being difficult by wanting less than traditional things, like nontraditional ceremony music and a 93 lb. Labrador Retriever for a ring bearer. 

However, I am excited.  Truly.  We've seriously considered just running off to a courthouse and being done with it, but I have to admit that I want the whole she-bang.  I want people to celebrate with us, I want to wear a pretty dress (shocker, I know), and I want to share my happiness with others.  Maybe because I was a tomboy, I didn't spend a lot of time imagining what my wedding would look like; I just knew I wanted one.  When we first got engaged, Ryan and I both kept getting realizations of what was actually happening - and getting excited all over again each time.

I found my wedding dress!  :)  The dress didn't even stand out to me when I first saw it, but I was trying on whatever looked pretty and had some of the important details I wanted.  I didn't expect to cry over finding my wedding dress, but I probably should have known better.  It just kind of hit me all of sudden that this was the one.  Haha.  I am such a sap... I felt some stress melt off of me after we purchased the dress; it made me feel like I was actually getting somewhere or getting something done.  Btw, Low's Bridal in Arkansas = fantastic. 

I started running yesterday for the first time in...I don't even know and probably don't want to know.  Some time last fall.  Anyway, I plan on losing a little weight before the wedding, as I know pretty much every bride does or wants to do.  The problem is, I love food.  Like a lot.  Chocoholics run in my family, believe me.  I guess I could try to stick to only sour candy, but then, as my parents told me for years before they figured out it wasn't doing any good, it rots your teeth out.  Give me extra weight over losing teeth any day.

Which reminds me - I still miss that candy store that was in the Jackson mall like 10-15 years ago.  It was like a death in the family when they went out of business, because my favorite candy EVER is sour belts, which you can only find at the candy stores you typically find only in malls.  So tragic.  I was in the mall some time last week and had a craving for sour belts, making me mourn the loss of the store all over again.

I'm considering putting a disclaimer on this blog:  "DISCLAIMER: Blogger is repetitive, distracted, random, and sometimes irrelevant to the initial topic of a blog.  The title of any blog is subject to dissections, diatribes, and deviations."  That's all I've got for now.  I'm hungry and therefore slightly distracted, as I know that I have another hour and a half before I leave for lunch.  Now I'm just thinking about where I want to eat.

K bye.