Diving Back In

Back to school... Oh, boy. I am definitely thankful for the break we had, but it doesn't seem like enough. Not when I feel like I'm struggling to breathe with everything that's going on. I'm drowning in two of my classes, and I know I'll have to work my butt off the rest of the semester just to pull a decent grade. The worst thing is, I have no desire to do so. The only thing that drives me to keep working is the threat it poses towards my GPA if I slack off completely. I should have more time to dedicate to school now that soccer is over. I'm sad about that. Now I'm just waiting for the spring.

I wish I could change my classes for the semester, since I want to change my major - again. I wish I could drop Calculus II, Statistics; that would be absolutely amazing. However, things are never that easy. I'm ready to take classes that truly interest me. Classes about something I can really care about. I plan to get into that next semester; right now I have to get through this one.

Along with school comes all the effects of the people around me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. If I said it didn't affect me, I would be lying. And I hate lying. Like John Donne once wrote, "No man is an island unto himself." Evidently there are people who do not understand that. The thing is, it is something you have to learn for yourself. I had to learn the hard way that I cannot make it on my own. I depend on people in my life - to listen, to guide me, to tell me the truth, to tell me when I'm wrong, to tell me when I'm right, to support me, to love me. I need that; I need them. As much as I may want to do it alone to prevent pain, I need them all: The good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to help them as well, but I can only do that as I am permitted. And sometimes that is severely limited. Which leaves me to stand by and watch as they destroy things I hold dear, including themselves. But they will learn; I pray that they learn before it is too late.

My Stint As a Forward

We traveled to Madisonville, Tennessee, to play Hiwassee College. We left at seven this morning and had a five hour bus ride. Well, it was supposed to be five hours, but we got turned around (as usual) and added another thirty minutes to the trip. I'm pretty sure we've gotten a little lost every trip we've made for the JV team. Anyway, we got onto the field at 1:25; the game was supposed to start at 2. I actually liked the shorter warm-up. We used less energy.

Julie scored in the first half, and we ended the first half up 1-0. We were dominating, but, as usual, we were having a little trouble finishing. Just a little, this time. The field was a little jacked up; you were never quite sure what the ball would do because of the major unevenness and even tire tracks found on the field.

At half time, Isaac set our amount of goals goal for the second half: Three. So we went out and scored within the first two minutes or so. I don't know exactly what time, but I know it was not long after the whistle blew to start us off. We scored another one some time after that, making the score 3-0.

I was given a substitute at some time (as in the first half), but I was feeling great. On defense we weren't running a whole lot, because they honestly weren't getting the ball over the half-line - minus a few runs. They got three shots the whole game, and only one on goal. I was on the sideline, and I said, "Isaac, I want to play striker." After a pause, he asked, "Did you play forward in high school?" I replied, "I played it up until high school, actually." He was like, "Okay. Just give me about five minutes and I'll put you in for Rachel." I got so excited. I've been thinking about playing it, mainly because I would love a chance to score. However, I decided long ago that I have a much more defensive mindset when it comes to sports. Mom is like that, too. I was also a little nervous, because I wasn't sure how well I could do. But I decided I couldn't do too much damage at this point. ;)

When I went in, I told Jamie, "Talk to me, tell me what to do." She said, "You're playing forward?" I answered, "Yep," with a big grin on my face. "Alright!" I had fun, even though I was quite unsure where I was supposed to be the whole time. At one point, I had an opportunity to take a shot, but I think I got knocked off by a defense player. I'm not sure what happened; I do know that I fell and banged my head pretty good on the ground. I stayed down and felt the ball hit my butt. I had no clue who hit it (I found out it was Jamie), but I thought, "Why didn't I get up?!" Man, I almost had one. Haha. It wasn't really that close, I know. I didn't feel dizzy or anything, so I just told the ref I was okay and went on playing. Another time the ball was put through in the air, and I turned to run onto it...right into a girl on the other team that had jumped to cut off the pass. She had her leg even with my head. It scared the crap out of me, and I let out, "Oh, shhh!" I promise I didn't finish that. It didn't hurt to hit her (which of course is what happened), it just startled me so badly. Lol. I think I only played for like 5-10 minutes at forward; Isaac put Rachel back in. I had a fun run.

Random Thought...

Seriously? Saw FOUR?! (I'm talking about the movies, if you're confused.) I refuse to see any of those movies, and I don't see how people can stand them. I get that there are people who enjoy that kind of stuff, but I actually think it's kind of sad that THAT many people want to see that much carnage... and for what? It just goes to show how far we've fallen. We have a large portion of our population that loves to see extreme violence and people being mangled and killed.

Why?

Game Plan: Honor God

Looking back on my blogs from last year when I had surgery, I talk about how happy I'll be to play again, and play for God's glory. I said,

Despite the junk, I don't regret this. You have to get through junk to get to the good stuff. I don't have to keep telling myself that this is worth it. Now I do look beyond the crutches, the bandages, and the inability to do simple stuff. I see me training in the summer, looking forward to the season. I see me at soccer practice, keeping up with everybody (ahead of some). I see me playing in a game for as long as Coach needs me out there, not hindered by pain. And, most of all, I see me doing it all for God, because I know what it is to not be able to do it at all.

It always starts with good intentions, doesn't it? The thing is, I'm not real sure who or what I'm playing for now. I've been focusing on being injured, but evidently I'm no longer injured. My knee seems to be miraculously healed after nagging me for a good while. I'm definitely not complaining; I'm thanking God for it. However, am I showing that in how I play?

Saturday I kind of got frustrated, because my touch was severely lacking. I maybe got off a couple good balls. Despite not playing well, I should have had a better attitude. Getting frustrated did not make me play any better.

I have to move my focus from just playing well to playing as hard as I can because God has given me this ability to play soccer. I always cherish it most when I can't play; I need to be thankful for it when I am healthy, too - even more than when I'm not. I should have the attitude that I am blessed to be able to play soccer, and play it at a collegiate level. I believe we continuously forget that, and just complain about 6 am practices, ridiculous amounts of fitness, playing time, and/or petty feuds with the team. I pray to God that we remember why we are here.

My Weekend

Huntingdon STOMPED Houston County Friday night. I mean literally. 49-7 stomped. Kellen played a lot, and even caught a few; I got to see a few of my good friends from home.

Saturday our JV team beat Hiwassee 2-0. It should have been a bigger defeat, but oh well. I played for almost forty minutes, and my knee (either one of them) didn't give me a bit of trouble. Now my main concern is fitness; I have a lot to catch up on in that area.

We didn't go camping Saturday night. Whatever. I still went home and spent time with Mom watching a movie and some Grey's Anatomy, ate Mexican with Mom, Kellen, and his girlfriend, and had an awesome talk with Mom about various things. Love nights like those.

I was about to leave home this afternoon when Kala called me and told me they were playing ultimate frisbee. I couldn't resist; I had to stop by for a little bit. It was fun playing, even though there were only six of us. Getting a little fitness in...

I'm trying to do homework now. Classes are making me feel stupid, and it's frustrating me. Physics, Calc II, Stats, Engineering... Blah.

From 8 am tomorrow till 8 am Tuesday, I will be without technology. That will include my cell phone, computer, and iPod. I'm not sure if I can use a calculator, watch, or alarm clock. I'm waiting to hear back on those items. It's for a friend who is doing an article in the Cardinal and Cream (UU's school newspaper) about students and their technology. I'm a little excited. Haha.

So, I have to do part of my physics test that's online tonight, because tomorrow I'm not allowed to use the computer. I'm getting on it...