Back to school... Oh, boy. I am definitely thankful for the break we had, but it doesn't seem like enough. Not when I feel like I'm struggling to breathe with everything that's going on. I'm drowning in two of my classes, and I know I'll have to work my butt off the rest of the semester just to pull a decent grade. The worst thing is, I have no desire to do so. The only thing that drives me to keep working is the threat it poses towards my GPA if I slack off completely. I should have more time to dedicate to school now that soccer is over. I'm sad about that. Now I'm just waiting for the spring.
I wish I could change my classes for the semester, since I want to change my major - again. I wish I could drop Calculus II, Statistics; that would be absolutely amazing. However, things are never that easy. I'm ready to take classes that truly interest me. Classes about something I can really care about. I plan to get into that next semester; right now I have to get through this one.
Along with school comes all the effects of the people around me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. If I said it didn't affect me, I would be lying. And I hate lying. Like John Donne once wrote, "No man is an island unto himself." Evidently there are people who do not understand that. The thing is, it is something you have to learn for yourself. I had to learn the hard way that I cannot make it on my own. I depend on people in my life - to listen, to guide me, to tell me the truth, to tell me when I'm wrong, to tell me when I'm right, to support me, to love me. I need that; I need them. As much as I may want to do it alone to prevent pain, I need them all: The good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to help them as well, but I can only do that as I am permitted. And sometimes that is severely limited. Which leaves me to stand by and watch as they destroy things I hold dear, including themselves. But they will learn; I pray that they learn before it is too late.