Moving On

Come Monday I will be back at Union, ready to dive into preseason - as much as you can when you're injured, anyway. I love preseason. I enjoy hanging out with just the girls, without school, having the campus to ourselves...minus the running part. I do usually enjoy the soccer part, playing scrimmages and such.

I remember coming in freshman year, not really scared but more excited than anything. It all came in a rush: Meeting the girls, getting to know their names, playing Assassin, starting college soccer (for real). It was so reassuring when everyone else came on campus, and I already had a whole team of friends surrounding me. Of course, I made friends outside of the team quickly, especially with two non-soccer roommates. But I was always closest with the team, and always knew I had a group of people I could turn to. Freshman year went by before I realized it - before I could miss it.

Sophomore year I came in knowing what was in store, and psyched about it. It was a little overwhelming coming in to meet what seemed like a whole new team. A whole new group, with more amazing people. Drama happened, I got on a roller coaster and found that I couldn't make it just leaning on myself. With its ups and downs, that year will turn out to be one of the most defining of my life.

This year... I come in wanting to know each girl - old and new - for who they truly are. I want to do this year right. I want to try my hardest - and be content with where that gets me. I want to guard my heart while not letting fear guide my every move. I want to let go of the past and hold on to what really matters. I want to give it all to God, remembering that if not for Him, I would have quit like I wanted to so badly.

I don't think this year will be easy. What year is ever easy? There are always the good, the bad, the ugly, then the absolute miracles. I expect myself to know my boundaries and to have learned from my mistakes - and the mistakes of others. I want to stay strong while being vulnerable. Strong in who I am; vulnerable in the way I should be in order to become close to those I care about without throwing it ALL on the line for the wrong person - or reasons.

I feel like this is the year I prove myself to have grown in God - and become a woman. It's strange to think that that is where I am: Womanhood. Am I truly there yet? I want to say that although I am, there is so much more I have to learn. And I have my whole life to do it. But that doesn't seem like enough time. I know that I will never learn everything; only God knows that, and that's only because He's been here for it all, through it all, created it all.

It's daunting to think that I have this knowledge that must be passed on to those around me, yet exciting to realize that I do have that knowledge. I do have something to say, something that might help someone else get through the pain life sometimes brings. Something that will give someone courage to keep fighting, no matter how bleak and desolate it looks from where she is standing. For me to be someone who I wish I had had... Someone who I longed for, but did not truly search for... Someone who was there all along, waiting on my heart...

Isn't that why I'm here? Isn't that how I can serve my God? Isn't that what He calls me to do, to be? Isn't that my heart's deepest desire?

I am here.