I never make New Year's resolutions. Not really. However, I do kind of look over the past year and see what I need to change. In a way, I guess that is a New Year's resolution. There are always things I need to work on.
Sometimes I look through old yearbooks or other things that people signed throughout the years, like my scarf-looking thing from Girls State. I can't count how many times someone has written on one of those things: "I love you, girl! Don't ever change!" Thanks, I love you, too. Lol. Seriously. But anyway, the "Don't ever change" part kills me. Why? Did they really think I was good enough the way I was then? Hoo boy...they were wrong. I'm still not good enough. I know I'll ever be, but I want to get as close as I can.
It always bugged me in high school when people would say things like, "Oh, come on Daron, you're so perfect," etc., just messing around. It wasn't a big deal or anything, but I knew that some people really thought I couldn't mess up. Are you kidding me? I messed up all the time! Still do! Haha...perfect...that's a laugh. Occasionally I got the feeling that people were just waiting for me to fall. Sometimes I still get that. It's not as though I have a conspiracy theory; it's just one of those things that people look for, especially in Christians who try to live right. Watch me long enough, I'm gonna fall. Of course, it makes it all the worse if you know some people are saying, "I knew it. She had to fall some time; they all do." Yes, we all do. But some of us get up and keep going. Some don't. Some want to quit, but God won't let them...and they're just too dadgum stubborn.
2006 was a pretty rough year. I gained and lost friends. I had surgery and recovered. I let people down, myself included. I cried, yelled, and screamed...and laughed. There's no telling how much I've learned this year. I've definitely learned a lot about myself, good and bad. I've had some people really let me down, but I've also had some surprising friends turn up that I didn't know were there for me. I've shut down and opened up. I've been to the bottom...and back.
I believe that the issues from last year are resolved. I may be proven wrong, but I also believe that how resolved they are depends mainly on me. One time someone told me that I had played soccer one day like I had something to prove; well, another thing I believe is that I do have something to prove - a lot to prove. And that's not restricted to soccer.
Let me know if I've proved it to you or not.
Some of us are watching you so closely because of how much we believe in you. Some of us love you so much that when you fall, we fall with you. When you get up, we rejoice with you. Some of us still know how perfect you are after the fall, and we still love you. Some of us know you fall and hope to be enough of a friend to be able to pick you back up, or at least give you a boost. Some of us know we don't deserve you, but feel ultra blessed to be in your life. And some of us are never really sure of how to express this...
ReplyDeleteIt is true there were what I called "valleys" this year for you and we were in those valleys with you but you're climbing right out.Just keep on striding up and keeping the faith.None of us are perfect Daron but we can just try to be close.There are people that are watching you and can be inspired by how you've handled yourself.I believe in you hon, and know you can prove whatever you need to. Love, Mom
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