So the Summer Begins

It always happens. I expect to be SO BORED all summer, cause there's nothing I really have planned. WRONG. Last week I had something to do every day. Lifeguarding hadn't even started yet. Sunday I hung out with Kyle, one of my friends from H-don. Monday I went to the H-don graduation; I might have done something earlier that day. Tuesday...I can't remember. Haha. I know I did something! Wednesday I sold corndogs for Relay For Life. Thursday, it seems like Mom and I did something. (Yeah, this reminescing thing is going real smooth.) Friday I had a big date with Richard in Dickson. Saturday Mom and I took a trip to Jackson and got in a little shopping.

This Sunday was my first day back at lifeguarding. The pool opened Saturday. I also worked a party this morning for about an hour and a half. I'm working tomorrow and Thursday. I seem to have very little aptitude for remembering stuff about my various jobs; I always had problems when I worked for Dad. When I was working Sunday, Ms. Lucy (woman who owns the pool) had to yell at me to tell a kid not to hang on the diving board. I saw him doing it, but it didn't register that he needed to stop. Haha. Oh, well. I'll be just fine.

I started my soccer workout last week, although this week was the official time to start. After being for surgery, I knew I needed to go ahead and jump in. I'm so glad I did. I'm still going to be hurting when the real running starts in a couple of weeks. I'm going to go kind of easy on the weightlifting this summer, especially on my legs. I'll start out easy, anyway. Dad told someone I probably wouldn't be squatting 140, 160, and 180 like I was last summer, but I believe differently. We'll see. I am majorly dreading getting into the running workouts. Ugh. I have a feeling another nasty episode will come up...

My Birthday (Plus Some Thoughts)

I had a great birthday. It was kind of spread out, but that only makes it better. My roommate, Emily, had her birthday the day after mine, so we celebrated together some. I went home this past weekend; it was Mother's Day, as well as mine and Dad's birthdays. I was glad to be home, and I'm really looking forward to coming home for the summer tomorrow. On Monday (my birthday) I had a final at two and planned to sleep in some. That didn't exactly happen. I got two text messages and three or four calls between ten and ten thirty. That was fine by me! My sister, Lauren, stopped by on her way back to Memphis in order to drop off her present for me. Kala Beth was in Jackson for an interview, so we went out to lunch; that was great, because we haven't hung out in forever! I had my test, and then hung out with Richard until I went to eat with my aunt for dinner. After Richard got done with his night class final, we went to Books-A-Million for coffee (although neither one of us actually got coffee) and some reading. I had to get back and study for my final on Tuesday. So, it was a wonderful day.

I think I've been doing really well on the whole not worrying thing so far. There have been a few things to test me, and I expected that to be the case. I'm a little concerned about an issue right now, but I'm going to let God take care of it. I think one of my biggest fears is hurting someone. I hate making mistakes, but I really hate it when my mistakes injure someone else. I can deal with hurt and pain, but I do not want to inflict it on anyone else. Sometimes it is almost necessary, however. The thing is, though, that the situation probably could have been avoided if I had not made a mistake in the first place. It's all one big nasty cycle. I'm glad summer is only one day away; I need a break.

This summer seems like it's going to be slow. I am working as a lifeguard again, but, just like last summer, I won't be working many hours. My summer will be filled with my workout for soccer, though. Other than those two things, I may be a little bored. I want to learn a lot of praise songs on the guitar, so I'll work on that. I could get some reading done, just for the heck of it. Going down to Memphis (and possibly Nashville) will be necessary to do some serious hanging out and having a blast.

I have one more final in ten minutes. It's Foundations of American Education, and I don't think I will do the greatest on it. I've not well on any of the other tests in that class to date. Ugh. I would love to pull out a B in there, but it may not happen. After my test, Mom and I are going to do some shopping in the Jackson area. I have birthday money, and I intend to use it...some of it, anyway. After that I will be headed home, probably to a big, long nap, cause I stayed up with Cheslie most of the night last night. We had planned on staying up all night, but that didn't happen. I think I slept about four or five hours. I'm not just dead tired yet, but I imagine that I will be. Woohoo for the end of my first year of college!!!!

Revived

God is amazing. Did you know that? He truly is. He's always there, always listening, always ready to pick us up when we fall. Have you ever experienced this actual feeling of being lighter, of having a weight lifted off your shoulders? I have. I did last night. I finally sat down with God and gave up my problems. It doesn't mean that my life will now be perfect (that's not possible), but I feel SO MUCH BETTER. It's carried on to today. If I let it, it will continue throughout my whole life. The problem is me getting in the way of God. But this time I have stepped aside and told Him to take control. All day I just keep thinking about finally giving all my issues to God, and I just feel...happy. Last week it was all sadness. That sadness is gone. It's just crazy; I love God! I've been feeling this hole in my heart since last week, and I realized that I was trying to fill it up with something that is inadequate. Only God can take up that space; only God belongs there. It's great to know that He is glad that He is now residing there. I mean, don't get me wrong: I am a Christian and have been since July 30, 1998. But I walked away from God, step by lonely step. Last night I RAN back. I thank God I'm back in His arms...again. In no way does this mean that I'll never get away from God again, because that is an almost inevitable possibility. I do screw up. Constantly. But I let those mistakes get between us. I tried to be too strong and take care of my own problems. Now God has them, and I don't plan on taking them back anytime soon; I forgot how good it felt when God is in charge. When I admit that I am weak and let go of what I can't handle, God takes over and shows His strength.

2 Corinthians 13:4 -- "For to be sure, [Jesus] was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in Him, yet by God's power we will live with Him to serve you."

Tired

School is almost over for the spring. Summer is so close. Two weeks of classes and then finals are all that's left. I'm so glad. I'm ready to not have any homework and just get this semester over. When school is over, that will mean that some drama will be gone from my life for a short period of time. I know I can never completely escape it, but it's nice to have a break. Before I leave school there are a couple of things that can't be left undone. I'm not looking forward to it at all, because it's not going to be pleasant. I also have no idea how I'm going to handle it.

This week has been emotionally tiring. I'm not sure why; maybe it's because I've done a lot of thinking and analyzing this past week. This coming week may be just as bad, but I can't really tell yet. I've just felt kind of lost and confused about everything.

I'm tired. I'm tired of classes. I'm tired of dealing with certain things. I'm tired of struggling to do the right thing. I'm tired of not knowing what the heck I'm doing. Haha...like Coach Hale always said, "You're running around like a chicken with its head cut off!" That's basically how I feel. Now I just have to find my head...

A Quarter Mile!

Yesterday I went to the doctor's, and he told me that I could start jogging! So great. He asked me if we were still practicing soccer, and I told him that this was the last week. As a result, he said it would be okay if I did that, too. I can also finish karate class and not have to worry about doing it next semester. I just have to take it easy...not a real problem.

Last night I jogged a quarter mile; that's what Dr. Antwine suggested. I felt fine. My calves got a little tight, but I believe that's to be expected after not using them for over three weeks. I was glad that I was doing something.

Today I practiced soccer. I knew it wouldn't be a good idea to do any of the running drills, and I definitely didn't need to scrimmage. We started out with some footwork stuff, none of which I could do. Then Brandon had two of the girls put us into two teams. I kind of stood away from the group, because I just assumed that they would scrimmage. Instead, Brandon pulled me into the group; I was thinking, "Um, I hope Brandon knows what he's doing. What are we doing?" We were finally put into teams, and he tells us that we're going to play capture the flag, except with a soccer ball. I was a little nervous; I didn't know how it was going to work. I just stayed on our defensive side and tried to defend our ball. I was doing great, until Cheslie just happened to hit my leg RIGHT on the lower inside incision on my right leg. Wow. It hurt. My eyes definitely watered at that. After that, though, I was okay. Then somebody else whacked the upper incision on the same side and leg. I had to walk off the field. It killed me. So, evidently the incisions are still a little tender. Ha. After capture the flag, they did scrimmage, so I was out.

At this point in my recovery, it's really weird. It seems strange to me that less than two weeks ago, I was still on crutches. Now, I'm running. On Friday, it will be four weeks since I've had surgery. It's just strange. On the other hand, I find it hard to believe that I won't be worried about my calves (specifically) for the rest of my life, much less in two weeks. In two weeks, I'm supposed to be completely cleared. That's just crazy. It's not that I don't think I'll ever be well; it's one of those things where when you're sick, you can't imagine what it's like to be not sick. You definitely think about it, but at the same time, You can't remember how it really feels to be healthy. Y'all know what I mean.